A simple tool to save you from destruction

Being emotionally competent is probably one of the most underrated life skills- alongside how to parallel park.

Yet for reasons unknown, it hasn’t got the attention it deserves.

As a result, we’re either bottling up our emotions or unleashing them at anything that moves.

It’s incredibly easy to outsource the reasons for our emotions to people or circumstances- after all they did that to make us mad.

But here’s the kicker- beneath every emotional outburst, whether it’s hurt, rage, or the urge to draft a novel-length text, lies a series of unmet needs.

And if you have doubts about this, I invite you to try the Five Why’s exercise, which is basically the emotional equivalent of peeling an onion (except with fewer tears, hopefully)

Think of the last time you were really mad about something. Say your friend was meant to invite you to a dinner but totally forgot and you ended up seeing stories on the gram-of course.

Betrayal alert.

Understandably, you’d be livid…

So let’s explore what the Five Why’s would look like in this case:

#1. Why am I livid?
Because my friend said she’d send me an invite but didn’t.

#2. Why does that make me livid?
Because I feel disrespected and I can’t trust her.

#3. Why does not trusting her make me feel livid?
Because I thought we had a solid friendship and that I mattered to her.

#4. Why does not mattering, matter?
Well because I want to feel like I belong.

#5. Why is having that sense of belonging so important?
Because deep down, it makes me feel seen and validated…

Now that you see where Im going with this and it probably hits home, try this out for yourself the next time you’re hit by a wave of intense emotion.

Self-inquiry is a superpower as it helps us to dig deeper and get to the real root of our emotions, instead of waging wars on innocent bystanders.

Owning our emotions and taking responsibility for all that goes on inside of us, is where true power lies. Not to mention, it saves a lot of unnecessary drama.

In case you missed me last week…

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