The art of assertiveness

“Let it go, its fine”

My friend said this to me as I stared at a cold, tasteless plate of noodles, feeling underwhelmed and annoyed.

Wait, what? Why should I let it go? I’ve paid for this. I’ve waited for my order. Why should I not highlight this and give the feedback where it’s needed…..

Fast forward five minutes, and I was digging into a fresh, hot bowl of redemption, feeling more satisfied than ever. All it took was opening my mouth and asking for what I need.

Sure, this was just a meal, but it’s a perfect example of a far bigger issue that I’ve seen happen all the time….

People ignore fundamentals, suppressing their needs under the illusion of keeping peace. They say ‘things are fine’ not because they actually are, but because asking for something or raising a concern feels too uncomfortable or ‘too much’

And this tendency backfires in more ways than we might realise…

When we silence ourselves over prolonged periods of time, we end up swimming in the murky waters of emotional martyrdom.

Think of a time where you started acting out in frustration to compensate for an unmet need or witnessed a loved one say something like ‘I don’t care. It’s not my problem anymore.” 

The transition from people pleasing, agreeing, and nodding to becoming openly frustrated and literally obnoxious doesn’t take long. It’s the hidden cost of emotional slavery.

A lack of authentic expression in relationships (of any kind) leads to resentments.

The irony is that as kids, we can’t shamelessly stop screaming about what we need, but as we enter adulthood, we eventually grow out of this habit so much that even asking for someone to stay STFU in the cinema feels way too taboo.

Here’s a truth I’ve come to live by.

Being assertive, which luckily comes more naturally to me, is not being rude- it’s being clear and owning your rights. 

👉🏻When something feels off, I say it. (as you’ve probably figured)

👉🏻If something can be better, I speak up rather than settling for a subpar experience. 

👉🏻When Im not happy with the quality of a job, I give feedback and ask for it to be redone till it’s top notch.

But for many people, asking for something seems too confrontational, leading them to settle for things that don’t serve them well, like:

Dealing with bad service and staying shush about it rather than giving feedback where it’s due. 

Listening to friends badmouth another one while silently nodding along, rather than pointing it out. 

Delaying a well-deserved raise or promotion, waiting for recognition rather than claiming their worth. 

But being assertive changes everything.. It’s about expressing your thoughts, feelings and needs openly and honestly without steamrolling anyone in the process.

It’s about standing up for yourself while being cognizant of others’ feelings. This is where exactly where assertiveness parts ways with being dickish- one invites respect, the other resistance.

Ultimately, our experience of life is directly linked to how we show up in the world and how confident we are in voicing our needs. 

Case in point👉🏻 Had I not asked my friends to accommodate their schedule, I wouldn’t have made it to my first ever trip to Goa and met this little cutie.🐶 💛

The universe might conspire in your favour. But first, it’s waiting for you to speak up.

In case you missed me last week

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