Ending people pleasing and achieving eudaimonia

Jeniffer Lawrence is one hell of a badass.

If you see her interviews and speeches, it’s clear that she’s someone who just owns it and does not apologize for who she is.

As surprising as this may sound though, Lawrence felt provoked to take a break in 2018 because of her people-pleasing tendencies that got the better of her.

She overworked herself to the point of exhaustion and even started questioning the worth of her existence.

Not something you’d expect from a woman who walks up drunk to The Oscars and speaks her mind without any filters whatsoever.

Whatever we see of people on the outside, there’s always another story running inside. Like most human behaviour, people pleasing is a complex phenomenon that a lot of folks struggle with, more than they’d like to admit.

The side effects are unpleasant and are a big source of unspoken stress. No form of approval is worth it.

If you happen to have a people-pleasing tendency, snap out of it with these four fundamental steps:

1.Know your values: It’s unfair to expect people to be cognizant of your needs when you aren’t even aware of what they are. It’s only when you know what’s important to you that you can feel at ease to stand up for yourself.

Being grounded and confident prevents you from being a doormat.

2. Understand the source: No problem can be solved without getting to the bottom of it. Understand what drives your people-pleasing tendency.

Is it the fear of rejection? Abandonment? The need for constantly fitting in?

Trace back to when this first started and work on changing your beliefs around it.

3.Conduct a reality check: Sometimes you need to get real with yourself to understand what’s not working and initiate change.

Reflect on your level of growth and if it’s in sync with where you aspire to be; understand who your friends really are and if they support you unconditionally.

Any gap or dissatisfaction in this domain should fuel you to start operating differently.

4.Own your voice: All the work has been preparing you for this confronting moment.

Start by saying No to requests that seem easier. This builds confidence in setting the right boundaries and honoring your needs.

Not that you need to give up being kind and thoughtful but rather recognizing that your actions don’t need to be driven by a quest for approval or the fear of rejection.

Any kind of behavioral change takes its due course of time and requires patience. So if you’ve been struggling with this issue, consider being kind to yourself.

When you sense fear entering your radar, remember that the only fear you should entertain is how much you’ll lose and sacrifice yourself in the pursuit of pleasing everyone for everything.

The code to a well-lived life

How well life is experienced is directly related to how well the mind is trained.

The stoics cracked this code well in their time and recognized the importance of experiencing life in the present.

Seneca stated, “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”

Our future-focused thoughts are the source of our suffering, as most of them are often dominated by fears and worst-case scenarios. All anxieties and fears are a testament to this.

The only way to overcome this is to focus on things you can control and those you cannot.

Marcus Aurelius lived with the philosophy that if you can endure whatever confronts in the present you can also handle what lies ahead.

The entire foundation of stoicism is rooted in living today and savoring each precious moment of life, regardless of the situation that confronts you.

If we can adopt this mentality, we’ll be closer to achieving eudaimonia aka a well-lived life.

Hustling in a corporate VS for yourself

Our current times are abundant with access and opportunity, where freedom has become the top value that’s driving everyone.

This explains why the creator economy is booming and entrepreneurship is the hot thing to do.

But everything is a trade-off. The corporate world offers stability and guaranteed growth (if you’re good) at the cost of years of sacrificing your personal freedom.

The entrepreneurial path requires significant hustle before you begin to make big bucks, if at all.

Which path are you more inclined towards? Go ahead and join the conversation.

In case you missed me last week:

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