How to go from strangers to best friends

I’ve never been a fan of small talk.

It’s pointless and draining, not to mention a complete waste of an opportunity.

Sure, to some degree, it’s useful in helping people open up and get better acquainted with each other…

But more often than not, it’s just a way to pass time at social events- where people can't be bothered to ask anything beyond’ How are you?’ before casually moving on to the next person, only to end up spending an entire night circling around in superficial conversations without making a single friend they’d ever meet again.

Honeslty, what an utter waste of time and energy….

Call me dramatic, but life’s too precious for throwaway conversations, and Im hoping I’m not alone in feeling this way.

Think about it…

For all the plethora of avenues and platforms to stay connected in this world, global rates of loneliness and disconnection are climbing like never before.

Ever wondered why?

My take is that we don’t go deep enough.

We’re too busy just being busy and distracted by noise. Too caught up in showing instead of seeing people, too busy accumulating followers and fans than making real friends..

And in the noise of it all, we tend to bypass the fundamentals of human connection, which require presence, curiosity, and the willingness to go beyond autopilot mode.

Here are five questions I propose using to cut through the fluff and fast-track genuine connection.

What lights you up and what kills your buzz: An immediate vibe check. It’s fun, open-ended, and lets people share what energizes or depletes them. You’ll get to know them way faster (and possibly save yourself from being their buzzkill 🙈).

What’s something you’re excited about right now? This is the cooler, less boring cousin of “What do you do?”, which frankly belongs in a networking event from 2009.

This question inspires curiosity rather than sounding transactional, and 8 out of 10 times, you’ll actually see people light up as you ask it!

What’s been the highlight of your week/month? Asking this opens room for much more conversation than asking someone ‘how’s life’, which is basically as good as interviewers asking ‘tell me about yourself’. Like, where does one even start…😵‍💫

This version is far more digestible and narrows focus as it invites storytelling.

What’s a non-negotiable value of yours? This one goes deep. It shows you what truly matters to someone, what they stand for, and what drives them and the bonus is that it helps you spot value alignment right off the bat.

What’s one story you can never get tired of telling… Is there a better way to get to know someone better than diving into their stories? This one brings out emotion, nostalgia, humor, basically all the ingredients that fuel lasting bonds.

So there you have it. Pick one or pick all- just dare to go deeper.
Break the cycle of shallow chatter and become that person who actually makes conversations memorable.

What would you add to the list?

Hit reply and tell me your favorite not-so-small talk starters….I’d love to know.

In case you missed me last week

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